Prudent Gifts

I've recently become addicted (I know, I know, me and my blog addictions...) to Dear Prudence, the advice column over at Slate. During the course of reading around a decade of columns, I've seen a lot of questions about wedding gifts-- appropriate and inappropriate. I've written before about registries and requests, but the questions posed to Prudie made me wonder... what is the most meaningful gift I've received? So many people talk about the amount of money they're spending on gifts, and though we did our absolute best to keep our registry on the cheap end  I certainly know people dear to my heart who have had registries were the cheapest thing was around $40! So what to do in those situations?

My friends, take it from me, the most wonderful gifts you can give are not things from registries. Those are wish lists, for some it's a list of things the happy couple need like a can opener or decent dishes that aren't mis-matched from college, and I have been just as lucky "going off-registry" with a small and thoughtful gift.

What makes me happy? What makes me feel like we are truly loved are the following:

1. The picture above-- I thought it would be very cute to have everyone sign a picture frame in addition to the guest book, that way we would have something to display always. My sorority little sister drew the funny little stick figures in the middle where we would eventually put a wedding photo. Her picture is still there. I love reading the names of those present at our wedding and it would definitely be one of those "save from the burning house" items.

2. A pair of journals from my mother's friends and fellow Rhodents-- they received the same gift for their wedding, a journal for each of them to record their thoughts and feelings and experiences throughout their marriage.

3. My friend Anne-Minter's words to me-- one of my best friends growing up, Anne-Minter, graced me with the honor of having her as a bridesmaid. Her mother passed away when we were in high school, which was a shock to us both; Mickey was like a second mother to me and losing both of them so suddenly was heart-wrenching. I think of both of them constantly. At the reception, Anne-Minter came up to me and whispered, "Mama would be so proud of you." I didn't cry all day, my husband was the one with the tears flowing at the ceremony! But those words were worth all the gifts in the world.

So, when you get invited to a wedding, don't feel obligated to bring a gift; or, perhaps, don't feel obligated to bring an expensive gift. If the bride and/or groom is close, some words of love will be well received and cherished, or a simple but thoughtful gift will mean the world. If your friends choose to be picky, you can always point them to the Prudie column which includes a couple that received a book on how to survive a cheating spouse from an aunt and uncle!

Registry Madness

Drawers full of registry gifts!!

I'm really not sure how this blog would stay afloat without my friends and family-- I may be creative, but darned if I don't get the worst case of brain freeze when I sit down to bang out something for this blog!

My father is responsible for reminding me of this topic, with a very interesting article on registry trends in recent years by the Wall Street Journal. "Bison Brown bath towels," he said, "Who knew?"

Registries have been changing a lot recently, and though the WSJ is correct about one factor being that people are getting married later in life, I think we're also seeing more couples who choose to live together before getting married. Personally, I'm all for it-- I knew a girl once who didn't live with her fiance, and after getting married were divorced three months later because they couldn't stand living with each other!! The other upside is that when you live together, you tend to already have most of what you need.

My husband and I had most of what we needed, so we went big and registered almost entirely for kitchen things-- things we wouldn't always have the money to pick up, things that were definitely a "wish" list for entertaining friends and family in our future home. A good knife block, serving platters, a blender, and nice china were the best things we got and I was a-ok with picking up a few of the smaller kitchen gadgets on our own as we found the need for them (oh, hello melon baller!).

My friend Caitlin is getting married in a few weeks and since she and her fiance have survived a few years of living together and a nearly cross country move, they have pretty much all they need. The one thing they don't have as graduate students? Money. So their registry covers a few kitchen gadgets and a honeymoon fund! I wish I had thought of the honeymoon fund, it would have been more enjoyable than even my beautimous china... they set up a site through honeyfund.com which lists out the details of where they want to go on their honeymoon. We sent them money to have brunch and do a little shopping, which we were able to do since we can't make the trip up to Philly.

I love looking through our kitchen and seeing a collection of friends and family there, but the same thing could be achieved looking through honeymoon pictures! If you don't need much, don't register for much-- nobody these days will look down on you for asking that you send them what they would have spent for a honeymoon fund, a car fund, a baby fund, or a mortgage fund. While I love the little gifts I've picked up on and off of registries for friends, I also love that I'm a part of helping Caitlin and Dusty get what we didn't-- a honeymoon and an essential part of anyone's blossoming marriage.